When Exercise Feels Like Punishment

Today was one of those days.  I'm tired.  I went to bed too late and got up too early.  I had sixteen left papers to grade.  Gabriel's room needed to be cleaned.  German homework has to be done.  So, I ate breakfast, graded eight papers, goofed around on Facebook, cleaned Gabriel's room, vacuumed the house, made lunch for Gabriel, ate yogurt, and THEN went out for my run.  No wonder it felt like punishment.  I'm exhausted.  And I had to run in the wind.  Today is not the best day to be erect.  I was so tired and 2 1/2 miles kicked my ass...

I still have eight papers to grade and German homework to do.  Then I need to eat, shower and go to German class tonight.  Ugh.  Someone's going to bed early tonight...

Get It? Got It? Good!

Willpower, that is.  I've had so little in my lifetime when it's come to food.  I love food.  I'm a self-described foodie.  I love to cook and bake.  It is something I'm very good at and get complimented on all the time.  Personally, I find it extremely meditative and calming.  Even though I'm still cooking (and baking to some extent), it's different.  It feels different.  And I'm not sure if it's different good, different neutral or different bad...

I definitely don't eat like I used to and am embracing the hunger as I type.  And it's hard.  It's damn hard.  It's a real testament to the willpower that I have so little of, or should I say, that I used to have so little of.  I'm glad I found the strength to find it, hold onto it and use it.

I'm learning that willpower is not the same as deprivation.  It's about making better choices and staying away from things that are counterproductive to the path I've chosen to be on (reminder, dear readers, this is not a diet).  With that being said, I still have an occasional cup of coffee.  I ate some kettle corn this weekend.  However, I'm not overindulging because I've learned the hard way that that just leads me down the path of indigestion and unhappiness - I'm looking at you, Astroburger!

Even the middle way for me is too much, so I'm choosing the path less traveled and that's okay.  I'm getting smaller, but in a good way.  12 pounds off at last count.  I'll step on the scale at the end of this week - I expect to see a couple more pounds gone by then.

In the meantime, I will resist temptation!  I've done very well so far (*ahem* except for the Astroburger, but never again!).

On that note, it's time for rest, another very important component of a healthful lifestyle.

Deliriously Sweaty

I probably shouldn't be writing a blog post after working out as hard as I just did.  I'm really high! I don't think I've even sweat this much before in my life.  Seriously.  Ever.  What did I do to sweat?  P90X.  It's like working out but X-treme - that's what the "X" is for, dont'cha know?  I did CardioX and it was like taking all of the other workouts in the series and putting them into one. Anyhow, I was jumping and kicking and punching and rolling around on the floor - whew! I'm drenched and my muscles are involuntarily twitching - ha!

I decided to work out inside today because it's "cold" outside - shut it, readers, who aren't in Los Angeles!  You probably have better weather than us right now!  I also wanted to mix it up.  I know if I don't do that, I will get bored and boredom leads to not doing anything, so I tried something new.  It was fun.

What do you guys do when you need a change of pace in your workout routine? Leave me a comment!

I'm Back I'm Back I'm Back!!

I ran my entire 2.5 mile route today with no pain - FINALLY!  I also stepped on the scale and since I started early March, I've lost 10 pounds!  Woot! Woot!

I'm feeling amazing.  I'm sticking to my plan, eating very little carbs, and exercising as much as I can.  I'm so happy, no I'm beyond happy about it.  I can't wait until the scale starts showing the next set of numbers smaller.

I have to get ready for a fabulous private reception at my friend's gallery tonight.  I'm bartending - ha!  I'm always the drink person and I will toast (with sparkling water) to my weight loss, my painless ankles and general overall good disposition!

Running Mojo Is Back!

Ah....my ankles are back online.  YES!  I went out intending to walk my regular route in my Vibrams, but I thought, "hey, let's just see what it feels like to run" so I did.  And although I felt a little tiny bit of strain, it was not pain and certainly not the feeling I had before where every step was painful.  Although, I did not run my entire route, I ran most of it and that makes me feel very accomplished.

I'm starting to notice the composition of my legs change from fleshy and loose to muscular and tight(er).  I have more work to do, obviously, but seeing some results is great.  What I'm really noticing is that my skin is so clear and smooth.  It must be all the sweat pouring out (I know, gross!) and all the water I've been drinking.  The biggest and best thing, though, is how this process is making me feel physically and mentally.  Although I don't expect that I will never have anxiety ever again, working out consistently and making healthier choices in food is really helping keep the anxiety at bay.

Tonight, Dana and I are going out to dinner at a pub which means that the healthiest food will not be served, but I've eaten well today, so even if a cheeseburger gets into my hands, it will be okay.  I won't have any drinks and I'll have water.  It's all about finding balance and little by little I am finding it.

Yoga...with Weights!

I've just discovered something that is really awesome.  Yoga with weights.  Now that might seem antithesis to the idea of yoga, but it's not.  Yoga is not just about the breathing, it's about the balance and strength you get while contorting your body into poses.  Why not add a little weight to shake things up?  It was only five pound dumbbells, but wow!  I will feel that tomorrow.

In related news, my ankles are on the mend for real.  I am going to strap on the Vibrams again tomorrow and walk.  As soon as my ankels feel fatigued, I'm heading home and will lift weights and work on my core.  I really need to get back to running, so I hope it isn't too far off now.

And I'm back to embracing hunger.  I gotta stick to it.  And I'm going to stop saying it's hard.  So done with that.

Learning to Listen

I think I'm finally approaching "out of the woods" status with my ankles.  I have been taking it easy this past week regarding running.  I've been strength training and doing yoga primarily.  Today, I went out for a fast walk in my old walking shoes.  I stayed on the asphalt and I felt good.  My the outsides of my ankles started getting fatigued before I wanted to be done, but instead of pushing through, I listened and shortened my walk.  If I want to continue this process, I have to listen to what my body can and can't (or won't) do.  Pushing myself too hard is going to keep me from accomplishing what I want and that's just self-defeating.

I have the week off from work - spring break woo-hoo!  I am going to be able to spend the time strengthening my ankles, little by little this time.  I will listen and heed my body's call when it says, "enough."

I'm determined more now than ever.